Weakly

 August 14 Word of the Day: Weakly

 

Test cassettes for viruses get more sophisticated. Ailing this week, I returned to memories of lockdown tests: the swirl of the swab, sting in the nostril, goo in the extraction funnel, dropper on the test plate. “The RSV, Adv, Flu A/B & Covid-19 Rapid Antigen Combo Test is a lateral flow immunoassay based on the principle of the double antibody sandwich technique,” read the tissue-thin instructions, convincingly, extracted from the self-testing box purchased at the pharmacy. Expecting, even as I expectorated into a man’s large handkerchief, that Flu-A would register in the control panel bright red, instead a feint pink line appeared against Sars-Cov-2. This meant Positive, according to the tissue-thin pamphlet (See ‘Pamphlet’ this month, August 8 opening “Beloved of all…” for reverent description of such vital ephemera), but only what is termed Weakly Positive. I would see Red with completely Positive. This ‘Weakly’ position was signified by the pale pink band, scarcely visible, in the panel. I employed a magnifying glass to confirm this interpretation. The unusual flu symptoms of the past few days -sniffles, aches, pains universal, pulsing neck veins – suddenly made sense. They were covid symptoms, ‘Weakly’ because this year I had already had a covid shot, leaving me to think how badly I’d be suffering if I had not. ‘Weakly’, not weekly, as ‘weekly positive covid’ is, by definition as we and the world knows, impossible, the contracting of the virus making one immune for some months from further infection. So here I sit in my ‘weakly’ state which, according to current iso instructions from government and health, lasts no more than seven days. One may walk the streets but a mask is advisable near people. Stay at home and rest up. Having passed seventy, seven days is a reasonable quantity of measure, a foreseeable effort with a completion. I can practise being weakly positive. Not negative, which is not helpful, can hinder and distract, even be harmful and self-consuming. Nor completely positive, which is exhausting and a little unreal and possibly leads to quixotic or over-enthusiastic misjudgements. The panel is in, and it says be weakly positive. Potter around the place. Choose the best arrangement or the best view or best angle. Sleep at every hour when sleep suggests itself as an option. Reading matter may be negative, positive, anywhere on the spectrum, pamphlets, as long as it is read in a weakly positive manner. Pillows puffed up in bed in a warm room facilitates this style of reading. As day follows night, the longer I stay weakly positive the sooner I will recover from the reading listed Weakly Positive. No more aches and pains.

Auriferous

 August 13 Word of the Day: Auriferous

 

A Glossary of Everyday Colours

 

umbrageous

shady; yielding shade

“purple paths umbrageous in white heat”

 

testudineous

resembling the shell of a tortoise

“a deliberately slow reader, his text reflected in testudineous frames”

 

quiddany

marmalade; confection of quinces made with sugar

“their hi-vis breakfast made a queue of quiddany”

 

plunket

a kind of blue colour

“the sea was as plunket as they had ever seen it”

 

melliferous

productive of honey

“melliferous the clouds at sunrise”

 

lutarious

living in mud; of the colour of mud

“the wash-up is a fashion for lutarious home exteriors”

 

holland

fine linen made in Holland

“japan the master’s gold landscape, his clouds holland”

 

herbescent

growing into herbs

“in watercolour she had perfected herbescent abstraction”

 

erubescent

reddish; somewhat red; inclining to redness

“angry traffic halted at erubescent lights”

 

darkling

a participle, as it seems, from darkle, which yet I have never found; being in the dark; being without a light; a word merely poetical

“a blackness darkling where naught may be found”  

 

cerulifick

having the power to produce a blue colour

“musicians famed for their cerulifick techniques”

 

auriferous

that which produces gold

“acacias again auriferous in August”

 

[Selections from Samuel Johnson’s Dictionary of 1755]

 

 

 

Melon

 August 12 Word of the Day: Melon

 

Tragedy has been averted in recent days when it seemed the King of Thailand might expire from a surfeit of melons. The court could no longer suppress the fact of the king’s secret addiction to the fruit, which began at the age of 8. Some say, earlier. The President of Russia has been exposed as the supplier of high-quality melons, planed in secretly from the best melon nations. He was not available for comment. Some of the melons classify as luxury melons, “according to sources familiar with the matter.”  ‘Melon-drama!’ blasted one local tabloid, a witty sub-editor’s play on melodrama, suggesting things had got out of hand, or was that with ice-cream and macadamia nuts? The King of England admitted to enjoying melon on occasion but could not be drawn on how often, beyond saying it’s appropriate at any meal. He grows his own. The French President sent his best wishes on a speedy recovery, commenting that melon was also one of his own weaknesses. The Paris press was quick to remind readers melon was a great favourite of Napoleon. The Rome press went troppo on headline puns using meloni, the name of the Italian Prime Minister, some of them untranslatable. The King of Thailand later admitted the error of his ways, that he needs to ration his diet to three round meals a day. National outpouring was swift, with a huge increase in popularity for any fruit calling itself melon, and a corresponding praise for abstemiousness, self-reflection and proper mealtimes. The Chinese president keeps a measured silence. His Indian counterpart indulged in a week of melon jokes without hinting at what he was referring to. The American press judges the events as a curiosity, with wispy editorialising using lyrics from ‘The King and I’ for reference. Their President also has said nothing directly, but did spend almost 30 minutes of a rambling three-hour speech detailing his favourite melon dishes. Late night comedians joked about why he had not yet died of a surfeit of them. Wiser heads have been asking why the monarch of a country famous for this family of fruit, notably the magnificent durian, would need to accept melons from outsiders at all. Interest has turned to gifts, favours, and tributes, with focus on other leaders involved in pandering to the king’s secret, with further enquiries underway. These conjectures are being outweighed, it can be observed, by salacious articles about other historical figures who died of a surfeit, melons or other; as well as colour pieces on how much melon is too much melon; and warnings against eating too much of one kind of foodstuff, with special reference to the side effects of excess melon, which include bloating and sugar spikes.