August, the census computer seized up. Explanations were contradictory. Clocks continued. Cynicism went viral. Who was in charge? Come September citizens turned to paper. Make it easier to cope, fill the squares with calligraphy. Contribute your ciphers for their consideration. ‘No religion’, meaningless category. Consider the religion of the census. Convinced consumer. Capitalist cog. Salary slave. Productivity person. Commercial viability. Tick one box only. In the name of selfishness, anything is allowed. Confidentiality is assured. Answers must be correct. Do not include your cats. It confuses calculations. Sign. Insert in blue envelope. Join the ciphers. The barcode must face out.