Team (March)

Team Climate Change was happy with its overall performance and looks forward to spewing more fossil fuels into the atmosphere at Monza in April. Less happy was Team Arctic Melt, who felt new rules penalised their Hot Club of Paris style. Team Driverless Uber caused a sensation, ploughing into the crowd, killing five punters in a manner reminiscent of truck terror attacks, before hurtling ignominiously into Albert Park Lake. Team Ecological Degradation took line honours with a race described as “studied indifference”. The winner this March (again!), Team Empty Vessels, lived up to its sponsor’s elitist motto: ‘Brainless and Thirsty’.