BoM

 

Isometric is a good name. Until abbreviated to Iso, likely to cause confusion after two years of lockdowns. Cloud? Everything is in the Cloud these days. For example, the Cloud says it will be sunny all day. The Cloud predicts thunderstorms over the nearby hills. No, too vague, it will never work. Too much information. We wonder what was on the long list of new names for BoM. Atmosphere. Southerly Buster. Weatherperson. Rain Gauge. Go Troppo. Windsock. Frosty Reception. Sleet Sheet. Looking Good. Vane? My brother once worked in human resources at the Bureau of Meteorology (BoM). I asked him, what is weather anyway? He replied, weather may be defined as rain. He meant, there are two states with certainty: raining and not raining. Obviously, there is much more to the job than saying whether it rains or not. Daily decisions hinge on having some idea of temperature, wind velocity, gutter levels, and will there be four seasons in one day. Record floods have a cause. BoM by any other name is more than a rain gauge. We wonder what was on that list of alternative names the consultancy company The C Word Communications Agency Pty Ltd had to finalise in its prescribed four months. Cloud Cover. Choice Chances. Climate Change. Colourful Charts. Cumulus Concerns. Close Calls. Current Conditions. Carbon Copies. Chattering Classes. Climate Change. Oh sorry, did I mention Climate Change again? C Word in the end recommended the word Bureau for general public usage and all future communications, begging the question, had C Word trialled Bureau for potential conflict of messaging? The Escritoire expects a slight chance of a shower in the afternoon and evening. The Bureau of Statistics has issued a sheep weather alert for the eastern part of the state from tonight. The Federal Bureau of Investigation expects overcast conditions for the next month. Had C Word tabled plans for BoM to be rebranded honouring names of beloved weather reporters? Rosemary Margan’s Bargain (RMB). Edwin Maher’s Pointer (EMP). Rob Gell’s Well-Well-Well (RGW). We still wonder what was on the long, or even short, list of alternative names for BoM, now that BoM has been reinstated by the new Government, given everyone says BoM anyway, not Bureau, and no one had a problem with BoM in the first place. BoM says it will be sunny all day. Seems fairly cut and dried. We’re ready for it, a sunny day. Everyone likes BoM, but herewith I forward other names for your consideration, waiving the usual $70,000 contract fee I would normally expect for this kind of job. I mean, it’s not as though I’m raising a sweat over a sonnet or anything heavy duty. Red Sky at Night (RSaN). Hail to Thee Blithe Spirits (HtTBS). Chiffonier-in-Chief (CiC). Rain on My Parade (RoMP). Wet the Finger (WtF). Send Her down Huey (SHdH). Winds Light and Variable (WLaV). Dry as a Dead Dingo’s Donger (DaaDDD). Deluge Desk (DD). Postscript Climate Change (PSCC).